tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-222611852011-09-08T17:48:07.635+01:00David Cameron gets on the interweb thingyJoe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.comBlogger661100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-41345013340526061722010-05-11T20:34:00.000+01:002010-05-11T19:38:32.043+01:00

nuff said

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-89703665241643289412010-05-01T22:23:00.002+01:002010-05-01T22:27:45.291+01:00

The Observer explains our manifesto well...Marriage aside, the Tory manifesto is defined by suspicion of state intervention. Mr Cameron promises a Big Society, in which charities, businesses and volunteers tackle social problems that Labour's bureaucratic agencies have failed to solve.But the Conservatives offer no credible route map for the transition from state funding. Mr Cameron deploys the

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-78531115689435840542010-04-14T18:42:00.003+01:002010-04-14T18:57:55.636+01:00

So Mr Dome thinks I'm afraid of facing Jeremy Paxman for one of his famous forensic interviews. Well I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not! (I am saying it lots because Mr Paxman has been known to ask a question over and over again, so there.)I'm not scared. The fact is that Mr Paxman isn't fair. He asks really difficult questions, that might make me look foolish, like George here:He

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-64959330496510720382010-03-04T15:34:00.003Z2010-03-04T17:53:00.676Z

Gosh, well who'd have thought my old pal Lord Ashcroft was a non-dom. I've known for weeks of course which is why I've been defending him for years. Mike Ashcroft is one of us, after all.Your domicile you see is defined in law as the country you feel the greatest affinity to. Clearly buying an election for the Conservatives is not something you do if you feel affinity for somewhere [are you sure

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-82549508643533827332010-01-13T15:51:00.004Z2010-01-13T16:12:07.600Z

I hope you like our new billboard campaign(credit)And you can see some of the ideas we had along the way here.

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-23441706254575659402009-11-08T20:48:00.001Z2009-11-08T20:49:48.111Z

Millennium elephant explains our difficulties over the Lisbon Treatyhttp://millenniumelephant.blogspot.com/2009/11/day-3229-dave-cave-mr-balloon-versus.html

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-87740166380649515852009-10-05T09:16:00.000+01:002009-10-05T09:20:03.098+01:00

The conservatives will remove half a million people from incapacity benefit. They can work, you see, whatever their doctors say. We know this. We know exactly which half a million people have been misdiagnosed as incapable of working, and are in fact idle layabouts with made up illnesses and disabilities. After all disability is merely a social construct, or something.How do we know this? How can

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-75825203190171186792009-07-10T09:20:00.002+01:002009-07-10T09:24:52.209+01:00

It is a sign of how modern and progressive the Conservatives are, that I have a bugger in my inner sanctum.There's a lot of pious posturing over Andy's criminality, but who among you would not do the same as he? And who among you would not do the same as I and stand by him, if he had some of the material on you that he has on me.

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-64369311590339662672009-06-23T08:35:00.002+01:002009-06-23T09:03:22.736+01:00

There are some mutterings among my colleagues as to whether John Bercow was a proper Conservative or not. The case against him is quite compelling: supporting disabled children, gay rights, democracy in Burma - these are far from normal Conservative interests. But this is not the whole story. In his defence, he is prone to correcting people's grammar under his breath as they speak.Of course it

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-19951205892127596532009-06-18T13:12:00.004+01:002009-06-18T13:18:46.664+01:00

We all know that shadow chancellor and first-rate mini me, George Osborne cares about getting value for public money. He cares so much about value for public money that he makes speeches on the subject. He cares so much about value for public money that he gets DVDs made of himself talking about value for public money.Now how to pay for those DVDs.... You have one guess.Yes, public money.Who

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-7633576722613514162009-05-28T14:18:00.003+01:002009-05-28T14:23:28.793+01:00

One thing I have in common with the common people such as vagrants, is not knowing from day to day where my homes are.So when asked if I had a fourth home, my best answer was “I don’t think so – not that I can think of.”Don't make me sound like a prat for not knowing how many houses I've got. That's my job.ht

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-59371998369711447282009-05-21T23:19:00.004+01:002009-05-22T00:18:12.431+01:00

I won't be throwing any breadcrumbs of comfort to Tory MP Peter Viggers, who claimed for a £1,645 duck house. No. His goose is cooked.I'm not going to get down off my high horse on this one. (You don't get down off a horse, you get down off a duck.) We can't keep swanning around charging this sort of thing to the taxpayer.How can I spin up the canard that this is all about Gordon Brown, that we

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-65420401523495543032009-05-13T19:46:00.004+01:002009-05-21T23:32:51.477+01:00

The people of Britain are rightly furious at the way we have been milking our expenses. So I am laying down the law to my party in an act of leadership. Conservative MPs will no longer be allowed to claim for:-swimming pools-tennis courts-chandeliers-servants (unless absolutely necessary)There. That should settle it. Anything but touch the subsidised mortgages which are the real money spinner.

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-63957521931718699762009-01-06T00:32:00.003Z2009-01-06T00:40:10.956Z

In order to stimulate the economy during a recession, it is always best to encourage people to stop spending money and save it instead. [Are you sure about this George?] And so we propose tax cuts for savers. Hooray.Now the naysayers among you might think that it would be a better stimulus if people went out and spent their money, that saving for a rainy day means spending those savings when you

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-81398695444151283362008-12-03T10:17:00.003Z2008-12-03T10:22:15.561Z

Great news. My pals over at the spectator agree that some of my shadow cabinet are cabinet material. Compare this with only a few years ago when none of the tory shadow cabinet were good enough.As for the rest of them. At least they make me look good by comparison. I love it.

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-79644377825695907132008-11-14T11:31:00.004Z2008-11-14T12:28:05.915Z

Wicked. It's time for change, innit?Bruvvers and sisters, my homie Mr Black Obama is the man. And soon I will be the man too.We can bring about real change in Washington and Westminster. A new broom, not an old hand. Can we fix it? Yes we can! Whether it is the south side of Chicago, or the dorm room at Eton (Slytherin house), we have our roots in the community. We two true blues could hardly be

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-2385812892483167012008-10-21T13:56:00.003+01:002008-10-21T14:15:20.235+01:00

My good friend, colleague, and all-round mini-me Gideon Osborne has this to say about the financial crisis:I didn't get where I am today without knowing that the house will burn down if you don't repair the roof while the sun is shining. I will not beat around the mulberry bush. Gordon Brown is responsible for this. He is the ugly duckling that prevented the goose from laying the golden egg.

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-90410049340238223582008-10-17T17:07:00.002+01:002008-10-17T17:18:33.092+01:00

Today I launch my fiercest criticism yet of Gordon Brown's role in causing the current financial crisis.Mr Brown's strategy has fundementally failed to fix the US sub-prime mortgage market. His regulation of the UK banking sector has been inadequate, and unchanged, despite our repeated calls to make it even more inadequate. [Is this right, George?]We need change to mend our broken economy. Labour

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-52135011067763712842008-10-01T16:38:00.005+01:002008-10-04T22:01:22.369+01:00

[Check against delivery]Thankyou. It is great to know that everybody in the party agrees with me. It is not often a party leader can be this smug, or a party this craven.Today we face a financial crisis. But we will not allow what happened in America to happen here. We will work with the government to pretend that we don't have a parliamentary system in which our "help" is no use.But we must not

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-61147251154788999252008-09-30T23:36:00.002+01:002008-09-30T23:56:46.678+01:00

At a time of financial crisis, we put aside our petty disputes, and form a team with our political opponents to tackle the crisis. I am determined that George Osborne and myself will contribute our ideas to the solution. Nick Clegg and Vince Cable too have their contribution to make. Vince of course was only chief economist at Shell, whereas George here was, er, is, er the Conservative shadow

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-34322644636729947612008-09-21T11:08:00.004+01:002008-09-25T17:28:35.017+01:00

The new Conservative Party can take much pride in having talked about the environment and adopting a tree logo. But enough is enough. Having done our bit, and frankly riding so high in the polls as we are, we can forget all that stuff, and revert to form. Mind you, we're not in government yet, so don't think you have seen the half of it.This is not of course our first u-turn on this issue. So now

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-49016867075720332008-07-08T16:39:00.004+01:002009-05-28T14:25:36.821+01:00

Politicians are too afraid to talk about moral issues today. And so we are facing an epidemic of knife, fork and spoon crime. And the poor. Don't get me started. It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a poor man to enter the kingdom of heaven.Some people insist that morality is all about how you treat other people, that you should be free to eat and drink what you

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-6611863693569223612008-06-13T15:14:00.005+01:002008-06-13T15:38:56.658+01:00

Dear David,Thankyou for all the hard work you have given to this party all these years. We all admire your principled stance on 42 days. A courageous move, as Sir Humphrey would have said.It was perhaps a bit much for you to suggest that we should promise to repeal the measure once we are elected. You see that would be quite different. If we are in government, then more power for the state is all

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-62418441511128185702008-04-29T20:50:00.002+01:002008-04-29T20:52:48.390+01:00

Took the words out of my mouthwww.chickyog.net/2008/04/29/cameron-unwilling-to-keep-pmqs-vow/“I will absolutely hold up my hand…this is a promise I couldn’t be bothered to deliver,” the Tory leader said."I meant to say that bit under my breath...

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-82951625102937792712008-03-24T11:45:00.002Z2008-03-24T11:48:06.621Z

Now listen to me boys and girls, I have had enough of all this talk about my dangerous cycling.It is vitally important to the health of our democracy that a man can have a private life in the morning before he goes to work in Westminster. We shouldn't have to ask ourselves "shall I be leader of the Conservative Party this afternoon?" No indeed.

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-83336279138475968402007-10-29T22:25:00.000Z2007-10-29T22:37:01.030Z

Of course it was not meant to come out quite like that.My remark about one-legged lithuanian lesbians was not intended to convey and disrespect or hostility towards disabled people, lithuanians or lesbians in particular. No.You see the modern Conservative party does not, like the Conservative party of old, represent only the interests of some able-bodied, british public school educated,

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-16670368956011830522007-10-08T17:32:00.000+01:002007-10-08T17:49:29.140+01:00

...apparently. Some common school is frightfully upset about this. But I will say this to them. It could have been your school. That sort of thing happens all the time among the unwashed masses, I happen to know, it says so in the Daily Mail.And of course I know a thing or two about thuggery and vandalism myself. Perhaps this is the cause of the confusion. The boy in question was just angling for

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-75753867882679204722007-10-06T16:03:00.000+01:002007-10-08T18:21:46.091+01:00

OK there has been a lot of confusion recently about my speech. When I said that I would be making it up as I go along, I was not referring to the speech itself, which was of course well prepared as usual, but to conservative policies in general.By policies, I mean of course the positioning exercises and general mood music we use to test the water and refashion our image.I haven’t got an autocue

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-51363329952772874582007-10-03T14:08:00.000+01:002007-10-03T15:27:20.032+01:00

Two years ago I stood on this stage and gave a speech about why I wanted to lead the party. Now I want to lead the country.[10 minutes standing ovation]20 years ago I was inspired by a trip to Eastern Europe - the dull uniformity, the lack of freedom.Every generation of Conservatives has to make again the arguments for freedom, free markets and limited government, because the previous generation

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-17233091996242090782007-05-30T19:01:00.000+01:002007-05-30T19:21:14.727+01:00

As reported by the BBC, we intend to continue Blair's policy of reforming the public services, extending target culture and box-ticking to the furthest reaches of public services.We willIssue all junior policy advisers with envelopes and fag packets on which to devise new targets for public services they don't understandBring in new targets for the police, alongside quality payments for officers

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-50917014142557849852007-05-04T16:10:00.001+01:002008-10-02T12:01:58.685+01:00

I am delighted with the breakthoughs we have made in major northern cities such as Chester, Worksop and Todmorden. There were some, even in our party who thought that the northern cities might never forgive us for the relish with which Margaret ground them underfoot. But that is all over now.In Sheffield, where we made massive gains of minus one, building a platform for the general election,

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-29876412141460492482007-05-01T16:21:00.000+01:002007-05-02T08:56:16.104+01:00

Why indeed. Let me tell you. Voting for us on May 3rd will maintain the rising tide of the Conservatives. It will give Blair a good kicking. It will give Brown a headache. It will give Ming something to think about. It will give me some reason to look and act as smug as I do.Never let it be said that I am a vacuous PR man, that when I open my mouth nothing of substance comes out, only comforting

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-38032366101146331112007-03-29T13:51:00.001+01:002009-05-28T14:28:07.792+01:00

Well the stiffs at the Commons standards and privileges committee have given me a bit of a telling off over a bit of harmless influence selling.Frankly, this is all a bit much. Influence is a limited resource, and the way for the market to allocate it most efficiently is if I sell it to the highest bidder. I'm sure Adam Smith would concur - didn't he say to always trust business people to

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-14283321177701362772007-03-27T15:28:00.000+01:002007-03-27T22:02:28.720+01:00

My dear readers,I hope you have noticed the blog redesign reflecting the new values of the new Conservative Party.You will find the following new features on the new right hand side of the new page:The all-important new mission statementNew resources for reaching out to Labour and the Lib DemsThe latest news about the Conservative PartyThe green and blue colour scheme represents the fusion of the

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-85160751394020813922007-03-13T18:38:00.000Z2007-10-06T16:02:27.452+01:00

As I explained earlier, the conservative party is making noises about a whole range of new green taxes to combat environmental problems that will still be around when our typical members are dead - in the next 5 years or so.Anyway, one blogger chappie has issued a challenge for somebody to defend the idea of an escalating tax on hot air, so that we can all enjoy a bit of high altitude verbal

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-39459119115374211482007-03-03T08:33:00.002Z2009-05-28T14:28:41.539+01:00

You know I really don't think I will say anything about this, I mean we all did some wild things when we were young, and I think it is only that posh people are entitled to be thugs in their private life without having to worry about whether they will one day go into politics.Do we really want the sort of politican who spends his youth thinking 'shall I smash up this restaurant? No, it might harm

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-69672111511861837992007-03-02T18:43:00.001Z2007-03-27T15:37:25.117+01:00

There is one thing that will raise the life chances of a child more than any other. Something the state needs to be sending a clear signal in support of. Something the tax system should recognise and encourage.Too long we have allowed political correctness to prevent us trumpeting and rewarding with tax incentives something so cruical to the well-being of children and the cohesiveness of

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-32554222717955327172007-02-06T19:32:00.000Z2007-03-27T15:37:51.360+01:00

Apparently I am "turning down the volume" on the party's core beliefs until they are inaudible. Mr Leigh asks "Why after a year of his leadership are we only one point ahead of where we were at the start?"Well I am grateful for the opportunity to clarify the situation. You see the Conservatives no longer stand for rampaging ahead in the opinion polls like the nasty, competitive Conservatives of

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-1164416433794156102006-11-25T00:53:00.000Z2006-11-25T01:00:33.806Z

Hello again. Sorry to have neglected you lately, but I have been awfully busy giving the Conservative Party, or New Con as I like to call it sometimes, a jolly good shake up.The news is that we are now against relative poverty. Relative poverty is an absolutely frightful thing, even the finest and most noble families in the land can find they have a cousin or two who is actually quite badly off.

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-1159973082054446782006-10-04T14:36:00.000+01:002007-03-27T15:38:41.071+01:00

Well it's been a great week. Now Boris is often saying things that I don't agree with - but I can hardly complain. I don't say much that you lot can agree with.This week, we have said that we are back in the centre ground of British politics. We've made comforting noises about childcare and that sort of thing.We've seen some fantastic new candidates, one third of them totty.Substance isn't

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-1159823317940881652006-10-02T22:02:00.000+01:002007-10-06T16:01:15.892+01:00

It's so exciting that young bloggists on the interweb are following my example. We are setting a trend here ladies and gentlemen.Mr Will Howells here is just the sort of young dynamic person that puts across real Conservative values so well. Expect to see him on the A list before long.Tag: Webcameron

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-1159627189678616542006-09-30T15:37:00.000+01:002007-10-08T18:23:38.640+01:00

Isn't this a great way of communicating directly to people that I do my own washing up and talk to my own children ("In a minute, darling").Now I'm sure the mangle is round here somewhere.

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-1158448872056633932006-09-17T00:16:00.000+01:002007-03-27T15:45:03.619+01:00

If you imagine the green represents the ideas flowing forth from a young new young party leader like myself, you will see that it looks very green, and while it originates somewhere on the right, it is blowing quite emphatically towards the left. The whole structure, however still leans to the right. Quite brilliant. Several kilos of cocaine well spent, I think.

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-1157708618761005422006-09-08T10:31:00.000+01:002007-03-27T15:45:47.359+01:00

Dear Tony,I have served as your heir for some time now. My loyalty to you, and to the values we share has been unswerving. The struggle to fashion a political party, or two, of the socially conservative, neo-con authoritarian centre-right has been your preoccupation and mine for as long as I can remember.We have revolutionised the lives and expectations of millions of management consultants and

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-1157452590137979322006-09-05T11:36:00.000+01:002007-10-06T16:00:51.341+01:00

It looks like some young punk has started a blog called David Cameron In India.This is an outrageous parody of my actual beliefs that I have been sharing with you on this blog.Let me explain my real reasons for going to India.1. If you make noises about being green, it is important to do as much jet-setting as possible or risk upsetting the cheap flight junkies.2. I couldn't visit anywhere in the

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-1157029305185183312006-08-31T13:46:00.001+01:002008-09-21T11:12:35.981+01:00

...the knave is for turning.When the Lib Dems proposed green taxes, they got it all wrong. Taxes are not the answer. However, now they are.Green taxes are an important part of maintaining our natural environment for future generations of landowners to enjoy. So we will introduce taxes on the worst environmental menaces of our age:Tramps and beggars are an eyesore. Our new Tramp Duty of 2.5% will

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-1155806891004199332006-08-17T10:14:00.000+01:002006-08-27T10:36:30.460+01:00

Before I start today, can I recommend the marvellous blog of Mr Dome, who I think is a friend of one of my campaign chaps, Mr Luntz.Astute readers will notice that I have already launched the New Tory aims and values, in Feburary, see here. However nobody really paid much attention, and we got it quite wrong, so I thought we would have another go.So here is my new new statement of new new values:

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-1155732347702368122006-08-16T13:34:00.000+01:002007-10-08T18:25:44.986+01:00

(story, hat tip)You see the problem with marketing politics these days is that people have stopped watching adverts listening to politicians.In particular there is a whole demographic that watches the news and takes an interest in politics that advertisers are finding harder than ever to reach.This is why I have become leader of the Conservatives Party, to re-engage this lost generation. Can't

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-1152869899032350352006-07-14T10:35:00.000+01:002007-03-27T15:42:40.334+01:00

I'm proud to announce my success in making plans to set up a new parliamentary group in the European Parliament, in the fullness of time. The new group will represent the modern progressive regressive forward and backward looking left-liberal eurosceptic right-wing, attracting support from the following European sister parties:Poland: The rabidly homophobic Law and Justice Party (7 MEPs)Estonia:

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-1151233890539102272006-06-25T12:09:00.000+01:002007-03-27T15:42:55.606+01:00

I'm sure you all saw my huge success on the Jonothan Ross programme at the BBC. I came across as exactly the sort of hip young thing that appeals to hip young voters these days. My master stroke was giggling along as Mr Ross and his other guest the actor Mr Bruce Rillis were saying "fuck".But not all the success is of my doing, for once. Mr Ross observed that neither he nor I knew what my

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-1149854766849414472006-06-09T13:05:00.000+01:002007-10-06T15:59:53.467+01:00

I know Fred is unhappy that we have not yet got around to allying our MEPs with the rabidly homophobic Law and Justice party of Poland. We tried sending Theresa May over to talk to them, but they told her that she belonged in the kitchen.But Freddie must understand that when you are not the front runner in an electoral contest you have to go the extra mile to say things that will appeal to the

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-1148811155462053202006-05-28T11:08:00.000+01:002007-03-27T15:43:10.232+01:00

Many requests for the full words to that Bob Dylan song Tangled up in Blue, I had on Desert Island Discs, so here they are...Early one mornin' the sun was shinin',I was lyin' to youWond'rin' if she'd changed at allIf her hair was still blue.The folks they said our politicsSure was gonna be nastyThey never did like Mama's finishing schoolPapa'd never eaten a pasty.And I was standin' on the side of

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-1148294689822438702006-05-22T11:43:00.000+01:002006-05-22T11:44:49.836+01:00

I came into politics not just to advance right-wing moderate politics, but to do it with a smile. I just want us all to hold hands and be happy together.There are lots of ways to be happy: love, fulfilment, sex, drugs, self-deluding fantasy, schadenfreude, etc, and I've tried them all. (Didn't always succeed, mind you.)Many people argue that this is not a proper concern for the state - that we

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-1147427166834856522006-05-12T10:43:00.000+01:002007-03-27T15:44:28.639+01:00

As someday it must happen that an MP must be foundI've got a big A listI've got a big A listOf society offenders who might well be rather soundWho never would be missedThe Tories will be pissedThere's Tory boys and totty, there's token blacks and queersI've got C list actors, coming out my earsWith chick lit and with tree huggers called ZacWe'll soon have all the voters coming backCos it really

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-1146265484519468192006-04-28T23:56:00.000+01:002007-10-08T18:23:02.181+01:00

Many in our party are uncomfortable with our bold steps into the centre ground. I am undaunted.In order to appeal to the moderate majority in England, we simply have to talk about the things they are interested in. And one of the biggest topics these days is satirising the Conservative Party.Well I can do it better than they can. And, if I say so myself, having the chauffer drive my bag and

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-1145954515650961022006-04-25T09:34:00.000+01:002007-10-08T18:20:30.315+01:00

So I have been called a half-Tory. What people need to understand is how the Lexus hybrid works.Firstly, the batteries and electric motor allow the engine to run at efficient speeds, and recapture energy when the brakes are applied. This allows an almost doubling of fuel efficiency. ("Half Tree Hugger")Secondly, it is twice as big as other cars, halving the fuel efficiency again ("Half Tory"). So

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-1145434278168200872006-04-19T09:10:00.000+01:002007-10-08T18:21:04.340+01:00

Some of the green lobby tend to look at the environment as a binary choice: you can have either economic growth or a sustainable environment. But the truth is we're at a loss to think of how to deliver either.But Conservative councils do more recycling, have cleaner streets, host more hunting and shooting, than any Green Party run council anywhere in the country.We've got to think global, act

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-1144512134940578632006-04-08T17:00:00.000+01:002006-04-08T17:02:14.953+01:00

A member asked me in Manchester "do we really have to change, is there no choice?" Well of course there is choice. The Conservative Party is all about choice. This is the choice:"There's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and change; egg bacon and change; egg bacon sausage and change; change bacon sausage and change; change egg change change bacon and change; change sausage change change

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-1143837834079331862006-03-31T21:39:00.000+01:002007-10-08T18:27:39.916+01:00

Well it is has been a tough few weeks, I can tell you, raising the cash to pay back all the dodgy loans from johnny foriegners before we come clean and put all the sleaze behind us.Because, make no mistake about it, the Conservative Party is changing and will no longer, as of today, deal in suitcases full of used fivers without going through the proper and above-board money laundering

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-1142505707117594222006-03-16T10:39:00.000Z2006-03-16T10:41:47.130Z

It was a great pleasure to help Tony out with the Education Bill. Tony and I are of one mind on this. We believe passionately in talking about choice in Education. Talking about choice in education works like this: Middle class parents don't want riff raff dragging their childrens' schools down. So they will choose to vote for a party which promises to keep the riff raff out of nice schools. This

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-1141942700668887372006-03-09T22:16:00.000Z2006-03-09T22:22:13.756Z

Ubfordubadely I cubnd go to Leeds doday do launch by bew housig bolicy.Abyway here id is for by friends ib de blogosbere:Ebsuring bore hobes suidable for blebs are build, sobewhere oud of de way.Baking sure blannig rules ebcourage hobes wid de gardens for de iggle giddies.Obebing ub shared-owbershib sgebes do beeble bore ligely do bode Gobserbadibe.

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-1141121322960448222006-02-28T09:59:00.000Z2007-10-08T18:28:49.741+01:00

The launch of my new statement of new values has had some coverage, but has been misreported a little, so I repost it here, for clarity.Our Aims:To improve the quality of life for everyone who is young and rich through: corporate welfare and nepotism. A strong society, where our families, our communities and our nation create secure foundations on the backs of the plebs. A sustainable environment

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-1140700982696754982006-02-23T13:17:00.000Z2006-02-23T13:23:02.713Z

This really isn't on, distinctly off message. What Tebbers and the other Old Conservative dinosaurs have to realise is that we aren't abandoning our values of hating change and hating the poor, we are applying them in a new and changed way.And for Tebbit to compare my 'purge of Thatcherism' to Pol Pot, well really. Young people are not going to be won round to right-wing misanthropy with talk

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-1140258077315179762006-02-18T10:15:00.000Z2007-03-27T15:43:38.917+01:00

I was speaking to a young man the other day - the sort we in the Conservative Party are reaching out to - I think it was in the high street, by Games Workshop, discussing what young people feel strongly about these days. He was unequivocal: the elves did not belong at Helm's Deep. My views exactly. It just goes to show how in touch with young people the modern Conservative Party is.

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-1140090537418341102006-02-16T11:41:00.000Z2006-02-16T11:49:23.630Z

FP* stood in for me yesterday at PMQs, a good wag, but not quite young enough if you ask me.Meanwhile chez Cameron, we had NMQs over the breakfast table. I asked the leader of our domestic government whether she would stick to her ealier commitments on pre-school education. Because, I added, with a fine rhetorical flourish, if she needed me to, I would support her! Got to keep my hand in, after

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22261185.post-1139960785317373422006-02-14T23:42:00.000Z2006-02-14T23:48:29.273Z

It's jolly spiffing being a daddy again, well I never really stopped being a daddy. One doesn't stop being a daddy one day and start again the next. That would be flip flopping! Don't go there.Good job it was a boy tho as I can put him down for Eton, and they aren't taking girls. I was preparing an announcement, just in case, of setting a 20% target for girls at Eton, by, let's say 2017. But that

Joe Ottenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18380362092159905533noreply@blogger.com0