In Full: Tory aims and values

The launch of my new statement of new values has had some coverage, but has been misreported a little, so I repost it here, for clarity.


Our Aims:

To improve the quality of life for everyone who is young and rich through: corporate welfare and nepotism. A strong society, where our families, our communities and our nation create secure foundations on the backs of the plebs. A sustainable environment for weekends shooting.

Our Values:

The more we say we trust people, the more they might trust us again. We're all in this together: government, business, do-gooders, families and plebs. We have a shared responsibility for my future.

Our Party:

We are an open and inclusive party. We will act to ensure that our Party, at the bottom rung, is representative of modern Britain. Even my very election as leader reduced the proportion of Etonians in the lower strata of the party.

What we're fighting for:

1. We will put economic stability first, for once. But over time there will be tax cuts, which we will call sharing.

2. We care deeply about the most disadvantaged in society. The right test for a party is how much it says it cares deeply about the most disadvantaged in society. We will stand up for the victims of state failure, now that many have forgotten what it was like when we were in power.

3. Quality of life matters to people, we hear. Even plebs. So we'll make sure to protect the environment, for shooting. And we won't have a go at working mothers any more because that wasn't nice.

4. We like public services now, and we will make them better, until the time comes for tax cuts sharing.

5. Make poverty history. Did you like that press release about Bob Geldof? All the young rock 'n' rollers will be voting for us now.

6. We are not such loony authoritarians as Tony Blair is - we don't have to be because people don't suspect we're bleeding hearts - we don't talk about caring and sharing and all that shit... er... damn.

7. We understand the limitations of being in government, but we believe in being in government. We are not limited in our aspirations for being in government.

8. We want more local democracy, except for regional assemblies. They might really make a difference, as the Scottish Parliament and the GLA has done. When we talk about localism what we really mean is wrecking the House of Commons to keep all those Labour Celts out.