Why vote Tory on May 3rd?

Why indeed. Let me tell you. Voting for us on May 3rd will maintain the rising tide of the Conservatives. It will give Blair a good kicking. It will give Brown a headache. It will give Ming something to think about. It will give me some reason to look and act as smug as I do.

Never let it be said that I am a vacuous PR man, that when I open my mouth nothing of substance comes out, only comforting noises, positioning and testing the water.

Never let it be said that Michael Howard has been the only Conservative leader of any calibre since Margaret Thatcher.

Never let it be said that you know nothing of real life if you have never been too poor to smash up a restaurant and buy your way out of trouble.

And if all that can't never be said without omitting double negatives, so much the better, or, er, worse.

Anyway, that's enough about me, this election is really about all those young people up and down the country who've had enough of Blair, and spin over substance, and puffed up PR people calling the shots. They want something different, er, anyway, they - we - want a new Britain - children playing in the streets again, motherhood, apple pie, cricket and free love (strictly as part of a normal student experience).

I love it!