I turn if you want to...

...the knave is for turning.

When the Lib Dems proposed green taxes, they got it all wrong. Taxes are not the answer. However, now they are.

Green taxes are an important part of maintaining our natural environment for future generations of landowners to enjoy. So we will introduce taxes on the worst environmental menaces of our age:

• Tramps and beggars are an eyesore. Our new Tramp Duty of 2.5% will discourage them.
• Plebs with their rustly little cars spoil traditional English villages. The Hatchback Tax will put a stop to that.
• Windmills ruin the view. Our Fossil Fuel Obligation will reduce them.
• Hosepipe bans are a menace to lawns everywhere. We will start a hosepipe incentive scheme.
• People who have their cars follow them when they cycle are, er [are you sure about this one, George?]